After the Boys of Summer Have Gone
by sparklemilk
Summary: A vampire with an existential crisis meets a girl who wants nothing more than to die. Can the two help each other gain closure from their painful pasts? Told from Marko's POV. INDEFINITE HIATUS WHILE UNDER CONSTRUCTION.
1. Chapter 1

PROLOGUE

The death of summer fills the air with stale memories and treachery.  
Unfulfilled desires beckon dangerously as the sun goes down enveloping the world in monochromatic blue, then black.  
You might hear murmurs of caution on the wind as you walk home alone at night, _watch out! be careful! don't! you'll be sorry!  
_ If you're young, you won't pay much attention to them.  
It's hard to pay attention to anything with the drone of crickets filling your head, with your heart beating as if it's a bird in a cage flapping its wings.  
Your life is ever stretched before you, anxiously awaiting the choices you'll make.  
Inside you feel restless, insatiable, and ready for anything, a little afraid of making the wrong choices but still free to dream of the endless possibilities...

 _Forever reckless seventeen,  
_ _laughter quick, easy, and mean.  
_ _Flying down the street on gasoline,  
_ _goin' too fast end up like James Dean._

I never took anything seriously. All my life I've been perpetually hanging out, always in a dark corner, laughing with my friends. Every summer we stayed out way too late, causing havoc and mayhem. The sound of smashing bottles and the coughs from stolen cigarettes were the soundtrack to my youth. Nothing but endless days of the same to look forward to. While people my age were figuring out what they wanted to be when they "grew up," I already knew. I wanted to _never_ grow up. I wanted to be young forever and more than anything, I wanted to feel like I belonged and was accepted exactly for myself, just the way I was. People change as they get older. Their views differ from the views they held when they were younger. They mature and become soft. They sacrifice themselves to become a cog in a machine. I was terrified of that happening to me and I knew the likelihood of it happening was high. The evidence was all around me. I wanted to stay me. No expectations. No plans. No changing. But when you wish for everything to stay the same and never change, the granting of that wish will ultimately change you forever.

Now I know how terrifying it is to get exactly what you want. Now that it's far too late for me to return to ANY time before I made the wish and go back to being ANY person I used to be; cool, scared, dorky, awkward, flaky, mean, smartass, vulnerable, crybaby, toughguy; whatever anyone had once described me as at whatever point in my life, was just _gone_. Because they were gone. Every single one of them.

All gone.

The person I was is no longer a possibility for me anymore.  
Hell, he's not even a memory.

Once my wish was granted, the years went by like seconds and everyone I knew changed under the oppressive hand of time. It changed their ideals, their opinions, their faces, their ages, their health and then they experienced the most permanent change they could ever go through. They suddenly went from being alive _...to dead._ Their whole life funneled out into nothing and their deaths meant even less. It was fucked up. I came to the reasoning being human meant dying someday. I didn't want to be dead someday. I wanted to be alive EVERYDAY. I got my wish but anyone that might remember me and the person I once was, _died_ and through their death, any connection I had to being human was severed completely. Those memories were no longer real to me because it just wasn't enough to remember them by myself. Things like that would only seem real if you were sharing them with someone else and your mind would no longer be able to process the flashbacks as evidence that you ever were or still are that person. Especially when everything else was changing...everything except you.

And that's when you realize maybe somethings shouldn't last forever.

 _But you can't believe how other things...only lasted a day._

CHAPTER ONE

If you're reading this, you probably know the story of my friends and I. You already know our names, you've been exposed to our personalities and brutalities, you may even find us fascinating or tragic, it doesn't really matter. What you're really doing here is looking for something you don't know about us. You want to have more things to imagine. So I will try my best to indulge you and hold your interest but be warned, if you are looking for a happy ending, you will not find it here. I will only tell the truth since it is somewhat of a necessary gift my kind can expend upon yours without fear, you know, because after you found the truth out about us, we could just fucking kill you.

I'll begin by saying I was never really a super outgoing person until I belonged to a group of a few close friends that I enjoyed entertaining or enabling because we were all pretty laid back and had fun doing whatever. Some people might describe me as a lackey but really, I just liked hanging out with my friends. It was that simple. We got into shit together and we got out of shit together. We were in the very rare position of living an endless summer vacation. That is, up until last summer…

On this particular night we had parked our bikes after deciding to skip the boardwalk momentarily and head down to the beach to catch a quick bite before hitting up our usual haunts. There was a charge of electricity in the air and each one of us was feeling it. After dive-bombing a few unfortunates and satisfying our thirst, we decided to walk back toward the sighs of faraway carnival music. The dizzying lights cast pale reflections on beached jellyfish and small tide pools. Paul caught a hermit crab and threw it at me and I laughed as I dodged out of the way. David wiped the corners of his mouth on his coat sleeve with business like efficiency and Dwayne strode somberly by his side, shaking his head at me as I grinned at him like an idiot. This was me beyond content. I found nothing more satisfying than belonging to this most exclusive club (except for maybe human blood).

It was then suddenly that I stopped in my tracks. I felt someone or something watching me intently. The others felt it as well, though somehow we all knew this attention was for me alone. I wasn't scared, though it was rare I was ever singled out among the four of us. I was more than capable of taking care of any threat to myself or my brothers but I didn't feel as if I was in any danger so after a slight pause, I resumed walking toward the boardwalk with them.

However, the feeling of being watched did not dissipate. If anything, the closer I got to the lights the more it grew. The only way I can think to describe it is the physical sensation of heat growing on my skin, like a full blown body blush, and it made me (a vampire who has an internal temperature of 32 degrees or below) uncomfortable to say the least. I had forgotten what discomfort even felt like and I suddenly remembered being in a hospital room with my human mother after my human grandfather had died and how she just held me so tightly, I could hardly breathe. She was sobbing over my head and all I remember thinking was, _"I wish you were stronger."_ I still don't know who I meant out of the three of us but fuck it, it's not like that really happened anyway-

"Marko, what's up?" Paul asked as he fell back to my pace. I shrugged, nonplussed. I had no idea what was going on and I didn't really feel like investigating after the shitty memories that had been dredged up. Whatever or whoever it was could just piss off.

We bought some tickets for rides since our dinner had provided us with a few bucks once we were finished eating. Most of the time we just snuck onto the rides, past the carnies and guards, but seeing as how money was only worth having when you used it, when we had it, we used it. After promising the attendant at the ferris wheel that we wouldn't rock the cage back and forth like last time, he let us on and as we gained height, I started to relax. The ocean wind felt cold against my face and my head felt clearer. But not even two seconds up, Paul jumped from his seat next to me and stepped out onto the window ledge of the cage, pushing his weight toward the opposite side.

"1...2...3," he started counting and I leapt up to get on the other side, mimicking him.

The cage began to rock slowly. As we picked up momentum on our drops, it did as well. Soon the cage was rocking back and forth, faster and faster. The metal began to screech and the attendant below started yelling up at us to stop but we didn't care. The fun had just begun. All of us were laughing now and I grabbed tight to the side bars of the cage and threw my legs up over my head, flipping out and back through the open window. I heard people scream below and I enjoyed the sound. There was a long bar going across the top of the open window that attached to the two smaller side bars and I hooked my legs over it squeezing it under my knees and hung upside down outside of the cage. I passed over the crowd below and waved. Some little kids laughed and waved back. Paul was already hanging by his arm like a monkey out on the other side of the cage. As we made our way back around, we had more people watching and pointing up at us. I waved at the growing crowd again, then we both flipped them off. It was hilarious.

As the ferris wheel made its last revolution, I suddenly felt as if I was being shocked (if you've never been electrocuted, imagine a tiny but fierce earthquake going off inside you and simultaneously feeling like you have to take a stomachache shit while your teeth vibrate and chatter inside your head; not pleasant and not something I enjoyed remembering either) and momentarily incapacitated, I was forced to look straight down. It came instantaneously; another fierce, all over body blush that made me feel like a baking cake and my eyes darted wildly around until I found the source of my discomfort. It came in the package of a small girl, or should I say woman, who honestly could have been anywhere between the ages of 16 and 70. She had a strange but elegant timelessness to her. Her skin was smooth and tan and her hair was a pale, almost silver shade of blonde with black roots showing through close to her scalp. She had on black calf boots, a leather jacket with a biker collar, a white v neck tee under that, and a lilac colored skirt that was foaming like a wave around her as she gazed up at me. Her lips parted but she said nothing, she just stood there conveying a look of what I could only describe as relieved triumph.

I hung upside down staring at her, completely dumbstruck. I didn't bother much with people, let alone girls. I never had much interest and although I have never thought of myself as a bad guy, I did have to feed. In this regard I treated all genders equally. David, Paul, and even Dwayne on occasion would skulk off into the shadows for a bit of solo time with the boardwalk groupies but I never did. To me it seemed dishonest. I guess because when I was human, I was taught never to play with my food. That lesson must have transferred into my current eating habits. I knew what I was and I knew what they were to me and after I changed, **nothing** gave me more pleasure than sinking my teeth in and sucking them dry. I wasn't going to waste time pretending and try to make them feel like they were anything else. Humans are fucked up. Beyond a doubt. They see hidden messages in smiles, in the way you look at them, the way you position your body next to theirs, and how else are they to interpret the look of hunger than to equate it with desire or worse, _love_? No way, man. Fuck that. Better to be straightforward without a mess you can't clean up afterwards.

We were all ladykillers in our own right, but myself in only one regard and luckily enough, my goofy baby-face didn't rank high on the boyfriendometer in the 80's. But honestly, it's not like I was completely innocent of any involvement. I'd play lookout or wingman or bait or even mediate when necessary. We were blood brothers, _literally_ , and we had to protect each other no matter what the others' choices were simply because we were all we had. Humans deserved our mockery because they were walking steaks. Walking takeout boxes. Walking Pepsi cans. Weak and pitiful. The only strength they had was in knowledge but by then, all knowledge of how to destroy our kind was dismissed as fantasy. _**WE DID NOT EXIST.**_ Besides, they were too stupid to take seriously. David would sometimes bring one into our lair as a plaything for mostly himself. Most of them were runaway beauty queens looking for someone to cling to in the storm of their adolescent idiocy. He'd offer them the chance for true, endless summer but these girls could never pass the test and make their first kill. They reeked of fear and designer perfume. After their failure, they were never seen again, except maybe staring out from the confines of a paper flyer, their photocopied eyes blurring into anonymity with one emboldened word flashing across the top: _**MISSING**_.

I was jarred from my thoughts as the ferris wheel began to slow suddenly and my gaze was broken as it shuddered to a stop. I lost sight of the girl and for a second I thought maybe I had imagined her until I heard David say,

"Looks like Marko has a fan," as he nodded toward the entrance of the line.

"She's kinda weird looking, huh?" Paul asked as he climbed back into the cage.

"Hm...in a pretty way," remarked Dwayne.

Shit. This was really happening and hell, I can honestly say it had never happened before. I wasn't used to any sudden changes in our regularly scheduled programming of kills and thrills but after years of the same thing every night, I figured I might as well find out what this girl was all about and why looking at her made me feel like I was standing underneath the hottest summer sun.  
It was...difficult remembering exactly what that felt like.

It had been a very long time for me.

We got out of the cage and security was already waiting for us. I never worried about these little encounters as we usually had our own way of making the boardwalk personnel forget our faces and we didn't exactly photograph well. I quietly sidestepped one of the guards but immediately felt a firm hand grip my shoulder.

"Where you going, Marko?"

I came face to face with David as I turned around and smirked, feigning mischief and nodded toward the entrance. His eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"You're still hungry after our fun beach picnic?"

I shrugged vaguely. He chuckled and let go of my shoulder.

"Well, have fun my friend. It's about time our little Marko had a little fun, right boys?"

Paul cackled like a hyena and gave me the A-OK sign.

"Remember everything I taught you, lil bro. Cock first, then fangs. And when she's on her back screaming, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" just act confused and say, "I thought you meant literally!"

He slapped my back and broke into a fit of laughter before leaving me to catch up with David who was heading toward the carousel. I rolled my eyes and turned to go but Dwayne was blocking my way.

"Be wary of this one, Marko. She's putting off strange vibes," he said quietly under his breath before letting me go.

What the hell was I getting myself into? I looked where she had been to find the spot empty of her presence. My eyes searched up a ways and I saw her walking toward the beach. A few dives dotted the coast past the lights and illusion of safety the boardwalk offered and she turned her head toward me, waiting. So she meant for me to follow, did she? I reluctantly made my way towards the sound of waves noting that she'd hardly left any boot prints behind. If she had, they would definitely be gone by morning and who knows?

Maybe she would be, too.

* * *

 **NOTE:**

Thank you for taking time to read this, this is my first time writing here and I'd definitely appreciate any feedback or reviews you have to offer, even the anonymous ones! If you follow the story, I will try my best to update it regularly. Thanks again!


	2. Chapter 2

_You started walking faster, m_ _y heart was all a'flutter  
_ _I couldn't help but follow you it seemed  
_ _You told me to start running  
_ _The streets were overcrowded here that night  
_ _You told me to look straight into the light  
_ _That the heavens are burning up for you tonight_

 _A handsome stranger called death..._

 _Somebody save me I don't wanna be another  
_ _Dead at twenty-something or another  
_ _I'm a kid full of history,_ _I don't wanna be another  
_ _Dead at twenty-something or another  
I have to m_ _ake my history, I don't wanna be another  
_ _With no history; someone being greeted by_

 _A handsome stranger called death..._

* * *

Did you know that vampires can hear (if you don't know what this is, please use your magic computer box to help you find out) the music of the spheres? Humans can't. They've only created theorems and philosophies surrounding them, romanticizing them like imbeciles, but they don't actually believe the planets' vibrations can create _audible_ music. Vampires can also hear satellite signals echoing throughout time; from time to time. This allows us to hear past and future broadcasts -if we want to tune in- which makes some of us come off like we can see into the future. Sometimes it's not even a matter of choice and it will just happen when I'm not paying attention. I'll hear a song that doesn't exist in the time I'm in or a song that's so old no one really plays it anymore. It happened the moment my feet started moving toward her, this music started playing in my head. It was as if I was entering a tunnel and she was the only thing ahead. I had to keep moving or I'd lose sight of her. Those are a few of the lyrics up there. Pretty catchy. It was almost a complete narration of what was happening but what's amazing is even though the song still hasn't been created, I can recall it precisely. Each and every catastrophic note.

Sometimes I fall asleep to the way the singer's voice echoes/crashes/shatters each time it hits the opposite wall of my skull and tries again. Tragic, really.

 _And I'm so reminded of her._

CHAPTER 2

I trudged slowly and silently toward the dark maw of the ocean. Part of me was drawn to it and part of me resisted, wanting nothing more than to kick rocks, take off, and remain uncomplicated while simultaneously feeling as if everything allowing my existence in this world depended on us meeting. I wasn't used to ambivalence of that intensity. She was still just a human; completely unremarkable aside from the fact that she could remind me what a sunburn felt like without killing me and it's not like I was exactly grateful for that or in any hurry to remember again. I kept my distance. I didn't call out to her or try to catch up with her.

As an immortal, you know everything happens when it's supposed to happen. There's no forcing it. Humans are so silly with this truth but in a way, I understand why. I can acknowledge my privilege of not having to constantly worry about what time it is; being controlled and haunted by the _Boogey Woogey Tick-Tock Man._ Patience was something I'd been afforded in abundance and although the air was tense, I knew sooner or later this would all come to a head and the answers I sought would become clear. The obvious being: who was she, why had she sought me out, and why, I realized right at that moment, I had decided _not to kill her._

It's strange, but prior to that, the only decision I'd made with such finality was when I decided to forsake my mortality forever.  
Not really a choice one should make lightly but let's face it, it was easy A.

Somehow I knew this was going to be much, much harder.

She walked steadily in the sand and with purpose. She obviously knew where she was heading, this wasn't a game of chase and she wasn't aimlessly flirting with me or playing out a rape fantasy. We were going somewhere together but apart. I watched as she made her way to a greasy little dive bar off the trash ridden coast where we'd ended up, miles away from the boardwalk. I was sure it was filled with the likes of people David would describe as junk food. I smirked as I thought this and shrugged. What the hell? It's not like I was hungry or worried anyone would recognize me in a place like this. I paused long enough to look back at the lights of the ferris wheel spinning in the distance and heard the screams of joy and raucous laughter floating towards me, beckoning me back. _don't! don't! you'll be sorry!_ I felt as if I was standing upon a great precipice and this was my last chance not to fall to my doom. I could turn back. I could remain unchanged. But let's be realistic. I was seventeen, I'd been seventeen for a long time, and I'd never listened to those warnings before. Can you imagine anything more hypocritical than if I just started to right then?

I stepped into the doorway of the bar. There was no bouncer, but it was a pretty lively little joint; dimly lit with Japanese decor and mostly Japanese patrons all of whom were smashed in varying degrees of inebriation. There was a small stage toward the right side with televisions and most of the tables were angled around it but there were a few red vinyl booths in the back against the walls which were separate. She sat at one of them, ignoring me. Talk about anticlimactic. I sauntered over to the bar and ordered a drink. I was not carded. Suddenly a shitty recording of a drum-roll played, the lights went out, and a man with a microphone stepped onto the stage with a spotlight following him.

"Welcome everyone to Hidden Lotus! Or should I say, Heeden Rotus!"  
He paused.  
No one laughed.  
He recovered quickly, however, as if he were used to being ignored by the crowd.

"Tonight we celebrate the twenty fifth anniversary of our humble beginning and would like to welcome any and everyone to sign up and sing us a little birthday ditty of their choice on our braaaand newwwwww karaoke machine!"

No response.

"So let's get started! First up tonight, we have Marko!"

I almost spit my drink out. There was a smattering of applause.

"Mark? Mark Oh? Oh Marko? Marco Polo? Where is he?"

The spotlight swayed precariously until it was blinding and illuminating me to everyone.

"Marko? Let's get him up here! Come on, now! We got your song all ready to go. All right! Let's hear it for Marko!"

What in the fucking fuck? I cast my eyes over to where the girl sat, her face still placid and cool. A few Japanese business men stood up to pat me on the back and encourage me or hurry me up because they were waiting their turn. Holy shit. I made my way up to the stage in a complete daze. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw the girl purse her lips to contain a laugh. The guy with the microphone handed it to me and made his way off the stage as the television screens flickered and focused. A guitar intro started playing and I immediately knew the song.

Memories of boozing, smoking, late night billiards, and breaking into cars flooded my mind. What was this girl trying to do? Challenge me by putting me on the spot? Fine. Accepted. One thing I loved about my new life was that I never felt embarrassed or shy because I never really thought there was anything I wasn't allowed to do or couldn't do (besides the obvious). I mean, when you're human, your biggest enemy is time. You don't have enough to learn how to do all the things you want. But when you're like me, all you have is time. You can read every book ever written and dedicate all your energy to study and research if that's what you want. You can sleep in everyday or sleep for centuries without worrying that you're wasting your life away. Fuck time. The world just opens up and you can pillage the shit out of it, whenever. Thankfully at this moment, I already knew all the words to this song so when the timing hit, I nailed it.

* * *

 _The greyhound's rocking out tonight_  
 _To maximum rockabilly_  
 _When two punks choose_  
 _To risk the subway_  
 _For a tube to Piccadilly..._

* * *

I could feel my face lighting up with exultation as I turned to gloat into her smug little face but when I found it, I felt as if someone had just punched me in the gut. She wasn't sulking in defeat like I thought she would be. Her eyes were shining up at me and her lips had the softest, loveliest smile. She was... _happy._ And proud. It was as if she was telling me that there was no other place in the world she would rather be than here, in this shitty little dive, watching me sing shitty little dive karaoke. She was happy to be here... _happy to be here with me._

I couldn't recall the last time someone looked at me like that, I only knew it'd been a very long time.

I'd forgotten how good it could feel

* * *

 _Having fun, southwest six_  
 _A hidden flick knife flicks_  
 _Oh kiss me, deadly_  
 _Toniiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight..._

* * *

and part of me did not want to remember.

Once I was finished with the song, I tossed the mic to the announcer who caught it ungraciously and fumbled through another lame joke introducing the next singer. I turned towards the booths but they were empty. I couldn't believe it. After all that, she'd slipped out while I was onstage? Why bring me here at all? I was about to walk out the door until the purest, clearest, and strongest voice glided through my ears like a velvet jackhammer. It felt as if my eardrums were made of glass and were on the verge of shattering. This was not a broadcast, this was really happening, and it was happening right here, right now. _She_ was the next singer and it was almost if she had ripped herself open in order to exorcise the demonic siren dwelling within her. I couldn't believe her choice of song. She was singing Connie. Fucking. Francis. Of all the smarmy, bubblegum, shit music to come out of the sixties...My human mother used to play her records at top volume and the sound, so crystal clean and warbling like the first fucking bird of spring, set my teeth on edge.

 _Who the fuck was this girl?_

I felt her eyes on my back, imploring me to turn around and stay. Her voice washed over me in cascades and crescendos and it was the first time I had ever _listened_ to the lyrics of this song, which I had once dismissed in my youth as corny and archaic; from a time I could never relate to and now that I was actually hearing it for the first time, ironically, time was what could no longer relate to me.

* * *

 _I'll follow the boys, w_ _herever they go_  
 _I'll follow the boys, c_ _ause in my heart, I know_  
 _I know that somewhere, somewhere along the way_  
 _I'll find my love, m_ _y own true love_  
 _Someday..._

* * *

I could listen to her sing this barely two and a half minute song forever. Her voice enveloped and soothed me. I felt like I had been an animal all my life, always on the hunt, searching for my next kill; a beast, futilely seeking some kind of everlasting sustenance as the ages wore away and here, I had stumbled upon the first beautiful thing I had ever unselfishly experienced with my beastly senses. I could replay it in my mind over and over, come up with new, better ways it could make sense or be justified, but instead, I just turned around. It was all she was asking me for. On stage she seemed to tower over everyone, but in reality, she was small, barely over five feet. She was prettier up close, which I hadn't expected caring about and still don't know whether or not I actually did. It was just an immediate observation. She had big brown eyes that reminded me of my human grandmother's milk cows. They were truly the prettiest eyes I'd ever seen and I remembered my five-year-old self stupidly wondering how anyone could eat a creature with eyes as pretty as cows' eyes.

I looked around at the crowd and found that they were mesmerized and I realized they were transfixed because they could tell _she meant it._ I had never liked those kinds of songs because it seemed as if their only purpose was selling this idea of love, but then it was fucking ADVERTISING for soap and matching dinnerware. Not this. She had transformed into a starlet from the golden era of Hollywood and was pleading for appeal, asking the audience if she deserved to find her one true love, and they responded with a resoundingly positive, "YES!" This energy was something rare to humans of the 80's who were bogged down with sexual and financial obsessions that would inevitably lead to their ruin. Most of the time a pretty girl got up on stage, the crowd wanted to rip her to shreds and keep any pieces as keepsakes to jerk off with later but that wasn't what was happening here. She made those people feel hopeful that someone was searching for them as earnestly as she was searching for this dude she was singing about.

 _"Maybe it's me,"_ you could hear the words vibrating in their brains, with the fresh excitement of a child at Christmas.

I even caught a whiff of that kinda crazy and had to remind myself why I was here. I was here for answers, for entertainment. I was here because this was new. And new was rare for someone like me.

The song was over and there was a half ass standing ovation as she handed the microphone to the announcer.

"All right! Let's hear it for Sylvie!"

 _Sylvie._

Sylvie was stepping off the stage. She was making her way through the congratulatory crowd. She was smiling/floating/shimmering

and she was heading straight for me.

* * *

 **NOTE:**

Just in case you want to find the songs, they are,

(Com Truise Remix) A Handsome Stranger Called Death by Foe  
Kiss Me Deadly by Generation X  
Follow the Boys by Connie Francis


	3. Chapter 3

**"When the Tukanas cut off her head, the old woman collected her own blood in her hands and blew it towards the sun.**  
 **"My soul enters you, too!" she shouted.**  
 **Since then anyone who kills receives in his body, without wanting or knowing it, the soul of his victim."**

 _-_ EDUARDO GALEANO, _Memory of Fire: Genesis_

* * *

CHAPTER 3

"We have a lot of space left for singers, ladies and gentlemen, so don't be afraid to sign up! We've got all your favorite songs ready to go!"

Much to the dismay of the announcer, no other patrons came forward. This must have been all they had planned for the anniversary, assuming most of their clientele would jump at the chance to sing karaoke. Obviously not after my badass performance, and yeah, Sylvie was all right. One of the drunk Japanese guys even got up to play the jukebox. He picked something slow and oddly out of place given our surroundings but this must have inspired the announcer because as he watched him feeding quarter after quarter into the machine, he got back on the microphone to inform us we were, "taking a break for all couples to slow dance in honor of the Hidden Lotus' twenty fifth anniversary!" As if it was all apart of the program.

Yeah right.

The other seated patrons began snapping their fingers to the music but it really didn't seem like the kind of music to provoke finger snapping. It wasn't that kind of jazz but man, fuck most jazz anyway. This whole scene easily placed in my top ten of most surreal situations I'd ever been in and while I was internally laughing at the absurdity of it all, Sylvie had made her way across the floor. I hadn't even moved. As she got closer and closer, I started feeling feverish again; unsteady on my feet as everything faded into the background and the music drowned out all other conversations and sounds.

* * *

 _Send me blue valentines_  
 _Like half forgotten dreams_  
 _Like a pebble in my shoe_  
 _As I walk these lonely streets_  
 _And the ghost of your memory, baby_  
 _Is the thistle in the kiss..._

* * *

She walked up to me silently, without a trace of apprehension and to be honest, I was a bit taken aback. It's not like I'm the most approachable looking person. No one asks me for directions or if I'll take their picture. Sure, I can draw people in when I want, it's a hunting tactic that's been used by my kind for millennia but most of the time, I don't want to be noticed and I'm not. Even with my conspicuous wardrobe and striking looks, people did not tend to interact with me of their own volition. But Sylvie paid absolutely no mind to this well established view I _once_ had of myself as she familiarly hooked her arms around my neck and, pressing her hip against mine, stepped forward in time with the music. To my exasperated amusement, I was gently pushed backward and lead off to the side, then pulled forward, then lead off to the side. We were _...dancing._ I couldn't help but smirk a little.

"I bet you loved playing follow the leader when you were little, huh?" I asked, placing my gloved hands on her waist in concession.

"Why do you say that?" she asked absently.

"Wild guess," I half laughed, half sighed.

Even our errant attempt at conversation was organic enough. It almost seemed as if she considered me an old friend or something. I looked down at her face. She wore light makeup that merely accentuated her features although most girls around here wore their makeup to the tens. Real flashy and overdone. It was strange to behold a female creature over ten and under forty in almost utter naturalness. She wasn't a natural blonde but I'd never seen this shade of blonde on an unnatural one. It was almost silver and made the entire crown of her head glow as if it had a halo around it. Her clothing looked out of place on her, like she was trying to blend in with the runaways on the boardwalk but the clothes were too new looking and well made to give them street authenticity. Her supple, black leather jacket was slightly cropped and would ride up whenever we turned so my hands were half on her white tee, half on it. Although the leather had, the shirt did not protect me from the discovery that underneath it, her whole body was radiating with energy. It was unlike touching any other human I ever had and we were so close, I felt as though I might pass out from a heatstroke or something. My head began to pound in time to her pulse.

" _What the hell is happening to me? She's just a human,"_ I kept asking and reminding myself.

She smelled like a human, nothing more. She had a strong steady pulse and I was certain her girl body wasn't a facade for something monstrous or otherworldly but I had nothing else to go on. Ever since I'd seen her I felt strange, to say the least, and I realized suddenly it was because she somehow felt _...familiar._ But I couldn't figure out what she reminded me of. Nothing had felt familiar in so long that the very concept was bewildering, besides, I didn't want to take a trip down Memory Lane just to figure out why she had this effect on me.

She must have taken notice of how tense I was becoming as we swayed in circles because she tilted her head up to look into my eyes, as if gauging whether or not she had permission to do what she was about to do. Her large eyes sparkled under her lashes and each time she blinked them open, it was like lifting the lid to twin music boxes. Both our jackets were collared but suddenly underneath mine I felt a cool, smooth palm on the back of my neck and I immediately felt better. Her touch was soothing just like her singing and as I regained composure, she put her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. This gesture seemed to impart surrender. Now I was free to lead both dance and conversation.

Weirdly enough, I found I had nothing to say to her. I figured I'd have a least a few questions framed in my mind and even if I wasn't too terribly interested in her responses, I could always use them to test out whether or not she was a liar, but it felt like I already had all the answers I would be given. It was as if I knew just by following her, a series of events was set into motion that were ultimately inevitable and the outcome could not be changed or stopped. We were here, right where we were supposed to be, and even if I didn't understand it, I somehow knew she and I would be in agreement of that much. There was nothing that could be said that would help me understand any better anyway. I'm sure of that now.

The song ended and I was just easing out of our embrace when she pulled me closer to her.

"One more, just for this last time," she whispered. "It'll be a short one," she smoothed the back of my head with her hand and I resumed my previous position.

* * *

 _Are the stars out tonight?  
I don't know if it's cloudy or bright..._

* * *

She was right. The song was incredibly short. She pulled away reluctantly, as if she were deciding something.

"Let's go. We don't have much time," she said hollowly.

I was puzzled at this remark but I let her take my hand, surprised at how much colder hers had become and even more so at how warm mine felt in contrast. She led me toward the door and turned around as if she were taking one last look. I was almost certain that's what she was doing until I saw the announcer heading toward us, waving to get our attention.

"Wait! I need you to sing again!" He took hold of her arm and tried steering her back toward the stage but she pulled free saying briskly,

"No, we're leaving now,"

But he must have been deaf because he caught her by the wrist and yanked her back towards him roughly.

"That machine cost a fortune! I need you to do the same thing you did up there before. Now!" His aggressiveness was getting on my nerves. I turned toward him, patted his cheek, and said simply,

"In case you missed it, that was a clear, audible NO." Then I shoved his face away with my hand and he flew back into the bar as we headed out the door with him gaping after us.

I'd remember this place. I just love being able to check the menu out before coming back for dinner.

"So where to now, little songbird?" I caught her in my side-eye and chuckled.

She was caught off guard by this remark and her eyes softened at me.

"Songbird," she whispered, not to me, but to someplace far away. I arched my brows up expectantly, waiting for some kind of explanation but she snapped out of it, her eyes pulling me into focus once more. Her lips parted, she paused, swallowed, and then:  
"I was thinking we could just walk down by the water...see what happens."

Uh-oh. I knew enough about humans to know "seeing what happens" usually led to pointless metaphysical conversations while looking up at the stars or matters of explicit physical contact, neither of which would have surprised me much if she were to initiate either. But let's not get carried away with assumption, let's be positive, at least I had eaten today, right? I didn't have to eat everyday but it sure was fun to and I sure as hell felt better afterwards. A lot better. I totally felt like shit right now. I watched halfheartedly as she started walking toward the sound of crashing waves.

"...okay," I resigned myself to following her once more.

She slowed enough for me to catch up and took my hand in hers again. She seemed anxious, like she too had some expectation of what should take place but didn't know how to go about accomplishing it. I felt...what was it? Uneasy. Like a piano was about to drop. Then I got it; I understood. This girl was making me feel _nervous_. Me. _Vampire_ me! I hadn't felt nervous since I (human I) had to take my last examination in school, the one I knew I was going to most likely bomb. This is not what I traded my immortal soul for: remembering these useless, shitty things. I dropped her hand. The silence between us had grown vast and the presence of all the unsaid things hanging about was insufferable. I turned towards her in my frustration and said,

"Look, if you've got something to say, spit it out already."

She turned around slowly. She began taking off her jacket. Oh, Christ. This is not what I had in mind. It wasn't like I wasn't into sex but I associated sex with a thing that _humans_ did for pleasure. I was still hung up on drinking blood. That's what got me going, literally. It surpassed any living emotion I'd ever had, including grinding up, on, and _in_ a member of the opposite sex. She wasn't just the opposite sex though, she was the opposite of me in every way. I figured if I ever did have sex again it would be with someone like me, an immortal. I hadn't met a female one _yet_ but I figured I'd most likely cross paths with one someday. It certainly wasn't something I was getting impatient about by any means, because let's face it, I had all the time in the world. I stared at her. I was always staring at this girl. She seemed to know exactly what to do in order to shock me out of any and all my natural reactions.

Now she was facing me, her face was small and pale under the clouded moonlight, but the sparkles in her eyes were now streaming down her face. I had missed something. The mood had changed abruptly. She seemed to wilt before my eyes; becoming worn down by a heavy _sadness_. I realized it was a burden she'd been carrying this whole time. I never noticed these things about humans. Their emotions were inconstant and of course they were sad, it would be fucking weird if they _weren't_ , hell, just remembering my own human life was unbearable but there was nothing that I could compare to what was coming off of her. She'd unleashed it upon me, and I was cowering before it. At that moment I don't think there was anything that I wouldn't have given up just so she wouldn't be emanating this complete and utter sorrow, not because I was so fucking nice, but simply because I knew deep inside, there was nothing _less_ I wanted to know than her reason _why_. Everything inside me screamed in horror at the possible revelation of the cause and I had no idea why. All I knew, was that I did not want to know. _don't! don't! you'll be sorry!_ Her lip trembled, she was about to fall apart, but she managed to say clearly,

"I'm ready."

As she took a step toward me, it seemed as if someone had turned up the volume on her pulse because it became a monstrous bass line that invaded my head, tearing it apart.

* * *

 _BOM, bom-bom.  
_ _BOM, bom-bom.  
_ _BOM, bom-bom._ _  
_

 _Darling...you wish you were red  
You don't know you're falling in love, innocence divine  
Darling...revolution won't stand  
You're a Judas that's hiding in red, monies divine_

* * *

I saw flashes of her go through my head, like bullets of lightning striking me in the skull.  
In one, she looked elated, she was running up to me, _in the sun,_ she jumped into my arms, her skirt was billowing around us and I was lifting her up, spinning...  
In another, she looked scared. She was running from me, I was biting my lip in _anticipation_ my hunger like madness flowing through me...

I placed my hands on my head and closed my eyes, it was all so physical but it wasn't really happening...what was _really_ happening? I opened my eyes and gaped at her. _She was staring at me on the beach with the waves crashing up on the shore behind her and the moon fighting to be seen behind dark clouds..._ this was real...this was **reality**.

I fought to keep my attention on this but then-

FLASH! She was naked covered in blood...  
FLASH! She was moaning and I was inside her...  
FLASH! She was laughing and kissing my face...  
FLASH! She was screaming and I was ripping into her flesh with my teeth...

This last vision repeated several times...

 _...she looked so betrayed, each time she looked so betrayed._

 **Just like she did now**.

I couldn't see straight. I lurched forward toward her. A menacing impulse inside me wanted to rip her throat out with my bare teeth. The urge was so strong, it was almost instinctual. _Mercy._ I stumbled and went down on my knees to stop my feet from running toward her. _watch out! don't! you'll be sorry!_ The moon had fought its way out from behind the clouds and for a moment, seemed to illuminate the entire nighttime sky, then, only this: the moment she looked down upon my face and I looked up at her silhouette; I couldn't see her face, only its outline but I heard her, goddammit, I _heard_ her,

"Marko,"

it was the first time I'd ever heard her say my name. The word slid through me, like the kindest knife

-and suddenly I knew what it was that she reminded me of so fervently: what I was trying so hard not to recall; what was so achingly familiar about every interaction...

She reminded me of being human. I felt just like a human again with this girl.

I was scared and nervous. I blushed and faltered. But unlike a human, I felt these things about a million times worse due to my acute vampire sensibility. The shock of the discovery sent a blood-rush straight to my head, everything felt heavy and deep. The pounding would not stop. I was sinking into the sand. My eyes were open-

-and then they were _shut._

* * *

I awoke with a start because I was laying down on my back and not hanging upside down. Hadn't woke up like that in a long time. I noticed it was dark but I could hear gulls calling and in the near distance the sea was singing its familiar song. Gulls? The sun! I sat up and looked all around me. Gravity was pushing me toward my feet and below I saw what looked like a gully of pitch black. The rock face I was laying on wasn't too steep, just hilly and I knew if I threw a rock a ways out in front of me I'd hear a _ker-splash!_ If I wanted, I could let my keen eyes adjust perfectly but I already knew what I wanted to know. I was lying on a rock hill inside a beach cave that I had not been in before

and I was not alone.

First I smelled and then I saw Sylvie down ahead of me, just staring at the black water. She looked wispy, as if the events from last night had cracked her open and drained her. Shock and dread came crashing down upon my shoulders as I recalled the visions that kept inter-splicing themselves as they played out within my mind's eye. These were not my memories; they weren't **real** , this much I was sure of. But they were so vivid, even upon recollection, that the smallest seed of doubt was planted deep within me. Usually my problem was that I didn't like recalling anything about any time before I was a vampire because I knew I was the only one remembering and all the people I remembered were long dead. Now, I had these memories of things I knew I hadn't done and wasn't really remembering of a girl I had just met last night. I got to my feet and walked a few steps toward her. I didn't know what to say. I felt, well, _guilty_ (damn these human emotions!). I didn't know what to say or how to begin. I licked my lips, trying to think of something helpful or witty or right.

"What are you doing?" I asked stupidly.

She didn't move. She just stayed where she lay, staring at the water.

"I...I'm just...wondering...why I'm still _alive,_ " she said in blatant awe.

She almost sounded _disappointed_. What the fucking fuck was this?

"Uh, what?" I sounded so stupid. I knew I was missing something but I couldn't for the life of me think what it could be. Had she seen what I had seen?

"Every other time, you've always killed me," she accused. She sat up then turned toward me, her eyes somehow piercing mine through the darkness and she asked me a question that has echoed in my head ever since the words left her lips:

 _"Why didn't you kill me this time?"_

* * *

 **NOTE:**

Thanks again if you're reading this story! Here are the songs if you would like to look them up. I'd post vids but the links aren't allowed. Please let me know what you think.

Tom Waits - Blue Valentines  
The Flamingos - I Only Have Eyes For You  
Trailer Trash Tracys - You Wish You Were Red


	4. Chapter 4

**"But I began then to think of time as having a shape, something you could see, like a series of liquid transparencies, one laid on top of another. You don't look back along time but down through it, like water. Sometimes this comes to the surface, sometimes that, sometimes nothing. Nothing goes away."** MARGARET ATWOOD, _Cat's Eye_

* * *

I gaped at her. She wasn't lying. _How could she not be lying?_ I'd never seen her before tonight. **_Never._** I'd remember someone like her, no matter how unpleasant the memory. Plus, ding dong, Captain Obvious, this girl was still alive. Believe me, I'd know, her goddamn pulse was reverberating throughout the walls of my fucking skull, remember? How could I have killed her before if A.) I'd just met her and B.) she was still alive? There was something very wrong here. Apparently with both of us. Nothing was cluing me in to the fact that she was not saying anything true. Evidently I was now a vampire who's powers were not functioning properly and she was, well, something logic could not explain. She  had to be lying. It just didn't make any fucking sense.

She stared motionless at the black mirror of water in front of her but only one of us could see her reflection. She looked worn out and despondent. Wounded. The perfect victim. She was the lone gazelle, strayed from the herd, all gift wrapped for the cheetah. She turned toward me slowly in the darkness, her eyes remaining fixated on the peerless void before us.

"You have to kill me now, Marko."

She spoke in her far, faraway voice, in an almost trance-like stupor, but I heard loud and clear. It was not so much a request as it was a command, and I immediately felt defiant. Mostly it was mistrust, not only for her, but myself as well. This kill would have been too fucking flawless for any enjoyment. For one thing, I couldn't tell if she was really telling the truth, my mind said one thing and my gut another. My bullshit meter wasn't going off but it _had_ to be fucking bullshit. All of this. Up until this point of my new life, I'd never encountered anyone who actually _wanted_ me to murder them. Most times, humans are begging for me not to uh...let's see, what are the top three?

 _"Get Away! Don't touch me!_  
 _"No! Stop! Please don't hurt me!_  
 _"Please don't kill me! I'll do anything!"_

Not necessarily in that order, of course, but I never really leave them conscious long enough that they're begging me to finish them off. You see, I'm not completely sadistic, I just like that accomplished feeling you get after you've worked really hard for something and are about to enjoy it.

"If you kill me, then this will all be over. _Please._ Let's just finish it now." She was actually pleading _against_ her life, not for it. I blinked slowly trying to comprehend her last three sentences, marveling at how we'd hardly talked all night and now this. She was one helluva conversationalist.

"I just need for it to be over, put me out of my misery," she continued, her lips trembling.

I was getting pissed. She wasn't lying? My instincts said no. This was absolutely insane.

"What the hell are you mewling for? What do you mean, " _this will all be over"_? What's gonna be over? What the fuck are you talking about?" I'd finally found my voice and I was a little ashamed at how harsh I sounded but it was nothing compared to the response I got.

I heard her sigh resignedly. She licked her lips and came closer to me, her eyes were fixated on my mouth. I thought she was going to kiss me so I waited, bracing for contact, not really knowing if I would permit it or not, I couldn't tell how I felt so I just waited. I watched almost spellbound as she tilted her face up to mine, our lips inches apart, she opened her mouth a little wider and I saw the flash of her teeth as she bit her lower lip, flirtatiously, I thought at first, until she kept biting, harder and harder, _until she drew blood._

The scent of it hit me in face like a tidal wave. It was a bright, buttery _vintage_ with notes of ocean salt. _Or tears._ Creamy, jammy, opulent, wet...all those asshole-y things that assholes like to say about wine, her blood sang of it all. Curious, but every lust within me oozed instantly for a taste of it. My fangs bared involuntarily and seeing them, she wasn't afraid, no, if fact, she managed the impossible feat of making her large eyes even larger in calculated concentration. Something bothered me enough to distract me from claiming my prize: I was certain she had done it on purpose and my suspicions were almost immediately confirmed when she turned her head, exposing the naked flesh of her neck. She was offering it to me, freely. What the hell? Uh, did she want me to kiss her? No...this was something else entirely...what was she...I was completely dismayed. Humans did not interact like this with each other, I was pretty sure, at least, pretending to be human for as long as I have and especially when I actually was human, no one had ever behaved in this manner. The whole thing felt absolutely obscene. My brain was competing with my body for a reaction and it was coming fast, though I had no idea which side would prevail.

It seemed like the absolute last second before I shoved her away from me, more violently than I meant to, but I had to in order to stop myself from sinking my teeth into her totally eager, willing, and weird self. She landed hard on her side, scattering rocks.

"Goddamn you, Marko. What the fuck does it matter? You have to eat, don't you? Just get it over with, _be merciful._ Or can you only whet your appetite for someone screaming and fighting you the whole way!? FINE." Her voice was bitter, full of ice. Without hesitation, she got to her feet and slapped my face, hard, while tears and blood continued to trickle down hers.

I was too distracted by the realization that she knew I was a vampire to pay attention to anything she was doing.

"You know? You've known this whole time? What I am?" I asked in complete bewilderment.

"Of course I know what you are!" She snapped. "How could I forget? You've already killed me _nine_ times." She laughed mirthlessly and turned away from me, wiping her bloody lip dismissively with her sleeve.

The visions of her covered in blood flooded my mind. The look of all consuming betrayal radiating from her eyes. The moment her heart stopped beating but her eyes never stopped staring in disbelief...at me. _But it wasn't me, was it? I didn't kill you! I didn't kill you!_ But the dead girl in my minds eye did not hear me.

 _She_ never got up again. Unlike someone else...

My mouth was hanging open as I tried to focus on her words. _Nine_ times? That was so... _specific_. Internal lie detector still wasn't going off. Come on! She had to be off her rocker or delusional or both. She probably had some crippling mental disorder or something. Yeah, that had to be it. My senses didn't really detect crazy but...I could still tell if a crazy person was lying. Even if they sincerely believed whatever crazy thoughts they had, it didn't make them true. So much for an explanation. I guess we were right back where we started.

I felt validated in my, _maybe crazy?_ suspicions as I watched this human creature tune out of detached and crestfallen failure and into rabid, raging bitch. She lunged at me again but I merely held her arms as she pitifully tried to beat her little fists against my chest.

 _"You were supposed to kill me! You were supposed to kill me! Why didn't you kill me?!"_ she screamed in anguish, then whispered that last bit hoarsely with one last weak blow. After this valiant effort, she crumpled down sobbing behind her wrists while her fingers uncurled and hung limply in the air. I snuck a glance at her watch and felt a quick wash of relief. At least my internal clock abilities were still on the money, about four hours until dusk.

My eyes cast back to survey this sad and silly thing before them. She looked completely and utterly defeated. She started to fall forward but quick as a cat, I had her propped up in my arms. Her shoulders shuddered as each sob rocked through her small frame and echoed around us. Such heartbroken sounds. I felt oddly responsible for this breakdown so I brought us both to our knees and as she collapsed into me, I wrapped my arms around her, rocking her back and forth. It sounds absolutely crazy but it felt completely natural and suddenly reminded me of the incident on the ferris wheel. I knew my brothers would be expecting me shortly after they awoke but it's not like I could take this girl with me. Paul would leer and jeer and brag about how he wouldn't mind finishing her off for me if I couldn't. Dwayne would disapprove simply because he didn't like witnesses and it didn't take a genius to figure out if you survive the whole night with a vampire, and woke up still human, you probably knew more than you should. He was all about tying up loose ends and anyways, I was sure they'd all want to kill her immediately.

Except maybe David. He'd just _love_ to have a new doll to play with.

I felt my eyes narrow. What was this ancient feeling being dredged up? Could I actually be feeling _protective_ over this human? I smirked while I gazed down at her in my arms. I'd never held anyone to comfort them, any attempts always made me feel panicked and claustrophobic (blame my human mother). At a glance, it seemed slightly ridiculous. If Yesterday's Me were able to look at Today's Me right now, through some kind of porthole into the future, he would be laughing his ass off. Imagine looking in from an objective standpoint, outside the situation, isn't it fucking hilarious? To put it in a way a human might understand, it would look like I was cuddling up with a grocery bag. I mean, that's all I'd seen humans as for so long and now I was cradling this cupcake gently in my arms like a fucking freak, and it was totally fucking weird that it _didn't_ feel totally fucking weird.

At least I was certain, even more than I was last night, that I wasn't going to kill her. No matter what kind of crazy ass shit she tried to pull.

Her breathing became less labored and I realized she had fallen asleep. She felt so cold and vulnerable now, but she was a fighter, she'd even tried to fight me. I laughed silently and looked around us. She had got me into this cave, but how? She'd even stayed with me until I woke up. I shook my head in disbelief and as my mind failed to grasp the why's and how's, I realized I was still pretty sleepy too, so after carefully setting her down beside me, I lay down next to her in a spooning position. Vampires can get terribly sensory deprived while we rest, but I knew if she stirred, I would wake up. I only ever felt fully relaxed hanging upside down, anyway, but I managed to settle into an uncomfortable repose and sank into the black of my mind.

* * *

 _"It's important for me to know you understand the gravity of your mistake."_

 _"I just wanted to save my moth-"_

 _"That is not your decision. Besides, I could deign to understand your wish to save her. But you extended this wish to several other members of your family and a few lowlife acquaintances."_

 _"What's so wrong with that? They're my friends, I want them to be with me!"_

 _"That privilege exists for me alone, Marko. It is not up to you to judge who may have this gift. It is mine ALONE."_

 _"But David-"  
_

 _"David never intends to actually make anyone immortal without instruction from me. He indulges a passing whim on occasion, that is all. It's just a game to him. You however, were entirely serious. I cannot have you running around thinking you can turn anyone you want. I made you. Think of me as a father or, more truthfully, as a master. If we turned every human we once knew into vampires, there would be too much competition for food around here. There would be too much attention drawn to our home. It would jeopardize the family's position. You didn't think of that, did you?"_

 _"...No."_

 _"Well, luckily, I have and I have also gone to great lengths to correct your mistake and ensure that you are never tempted to make it again."_

 _"Wha-what have you done with my mother? My brother? Where are they? Where are my friends?!"  
_

 _"I have seen into your mind, my boy. I have seen your intentions and however well placed they may be, they endanger my livelihood. I cannot allow that. I realize however, that it is not your fault. You see, I am not a cruel maker. I see how you suffer. You are haunted by the memories of your former life. I will relieve you of these ghosts. You will no longer be burdened with guilt or suffering for these people that you cannot save from death. They have been taken care of. Permanently."_

 _"What...what does that mean? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, MAX?"_

 _"I? I have done nothing. You will not remember your actions but should you ever need... **reminding** of why you should not disobey me, I may choose to unlock the memories of what you have done. Do not be hard on yourself, you were only following my command."_

 _"Your command? You made me-"_

 _"Do not think on it, my boy. You will not remember unless I permit you. Just be happy you no longer have to worry about them. At least, take comfort in the fact that they did not suffer -much- prior to being eliminated. You are very efficient, my boy."_

 _"Eliminated? What are you saying?"_

 _"It's over, Marko. Everyone you ever knew and anyone who ever knew you-along with any memories of them, are all gone now. You alone remember but don't forget, I can make you remember much more. Terrible things that would most likely destroy you. Good thing you're from a dead end town or else this could have been much more difficult. It was very cleverly done."_

 _"Everyone...?!"_

 _"Come now, it was a necessary precaution to teach you a lesson. One I hope you never forget. I have taken great care to withhold this unfortunate business from the other boys, so let's no longer dwell on it._ _I know in the future you will be more careful and I am confident you will always remember how merciful I am, how **kind**. You may go now."_

* * *

I shuddered awake, with my eyes wide and nostrils flared. Vampires didn't really dream, it wasn't impossible but it _was_ rare and when we did, it was usually about things that happened in our previous lives. Or in my case, about things I wish I could forget...or remember.

Memory is tricky when you are a human. You can try to tell yourself not to think of something but it usually sits at the back of your human brain trying to claw its way up to the front and it usually succeeds. The whole process of thought is quite involuntary, I mean, you can make yourself breathe but the body will still do it whether you tell it to or not and memory is similar. You're remembering the first time you rode a bike. You hazily see your dad pushing you, running by the bike as you pedal. You see your dad has his signet ring on as you look at his hand on top of yours holding tight to the handlebars. Then, POOF! Remember the pain that ring caused when he slapped you the first time you stayed out too late? POOF! Remember how you thought it was better after he died because no one ever slapped you again for staying out late? POOF! Remember coming home, expecting to see him sitting in the dark in the blue velvet floral chair, but he wasn't there? POOF! Remember falling off that chair when you were three and hitting your head on the edge of the coffee table, getting that little knick of a scar on your forehead?

It's crazy to remember shit when you're a human. You have no control where your mind goes. Fucking random ass shit 24/7.

A vampire can actually tell himself not to think of something and he won't. It will get archived and put in storage, out of the way. A vampire can also focus on one thing without his mind trying to take him into a bunch of different directions. The memory will not bleed into any others, they do not compete for space in the spotlight of the mind. There is so much more room in a vampire's mind for this purpose. If he doesn't want to think of something, he doesn't forget it, he just kind of buries it, like a time capsule. If he wants to remember, it only takes the mere desire to remember and only after he makes the choice of recollection. By no means is the memory ever in danger of being lost. However, dreams can fuck this whole process up completely. It is one of the cooler/shittier aspects of post transformation, depending on your viewpoint. And before you ask, yes vampires can read minds. But it takes a great deal of effort and energy and humans aren't really that interesting to me. I mean I do it, I _can_ do it, but it's not like a habit I'm constantly indulging, it's more like deciding to draw or sing, I have to concentrate and focus, and usually I'd rather be doing other things. I mostly saved this tactic for my friends. It was the easiest way to communicate in front of humans without having to go through the trouble of euphemism or code.

I could also hide my thoughts from David, Paul, and Dwayne if I really tried. And they in turn could hide theirs from me.  
But we could never hide our thoughts from our maker. I learned that lesson a very hard way.

After burying my rancid and rotted time capsule once again where it belonged, I checked on my slumbering companion. Still out cold. My whole body tingled and ached to feel the night air so after some deliberation (like a second), I decided to take Sylvie with me, as far as the boardwalk. I wasn't really sure where to take her once we got there. No amount of shaking, prodding, or talking could wake her. So after groaning internally at the sheer absurdity of it all, I lifted her up and carried her, bride-style, and as I hoisted and shifted her weight evenly between my arms, I heard something clatter to the stone floor beneath us. I looked down and saw a key with a large tag on it. One side read, _The Dream Inn_. It must have fallen out of her jacket pocket. I picked up the key and turned it in my hand. On the other side was printed neatly, _Room 301_.

Bingo.

I didn't really want to have to keep looking at her while we made our way to the hotel, so I opted for the piggy back method of transportation and she was still so cold that I took my jacket off and threw it over her head and across her back as I adjusted her on mine. The higher we got, the colder it would be. I had to lean forward a bit to keep her from slumping over and her arms draped down either side of my head awkwardly as we gained height and left the sand behind us, heading back towards the boardwalk lights. At least we had a destination in mind where she hopefully wouldn't wind up being a breakfast shared among friends.

It was about a four minute "walk" for me, being who I am, and almost as a complete repeat of last nights trek out here, that song began to play in my head again for the journey back.

* * *

 _You told me to look straight into the light  
That the angels are coming down for you tonight_

 _Somebody save me I don't wanna be another_  
 _Dead end twenty-something or another I'm a-_

 _Gift full of history_  
 _I don't wanna be another_  
 _Dead at twenty-something or another..._

* * *

 _These fucking lyrics,_ I sniggered to myself. I wondered if maybe to a passerby I might look like an angel flying and chuckled. Yeah, _The Angel of Death_. What was with the song? Why did it keep fading in and out of the moment? It was a little unsettling and a lot annoying. I wondered when it would actually be created. _Maybe I could freak the singer out by mouthing the words at their first concert,_ I thought evilly. I looked down below and saw _The Dream Inn_ coming up and made my descent carefully toward the back, where there was about a dozen trees or so, hoping to keep some small degree of inconspicuousness. I walked out into the clearing of the parking lot and peering with my keen eyes noted that, just my luck, her room happened to be on the third floor. Ugh. Though I was impatient to just fly up there, there was too much risk of being seen now. It would have been bad enough just carting an unconscious girl all over Santa Carla so I didn't need the attention. I obligingly tromped up the three flights of stairs and managed to pull off a tricky over the shoulder maneuver so I could fish the key out of my pocket and stick it in the door, kicking it open after turning the knob with my only free hand all while trying to keep Sylvie balanced on one shoulder. She wasn't heavy, it was just not something I was accustomed to having to do or had ever done, to be honest, and I was trying to be careful not to hit her head or legs or arms, etc...

Yes, I'd popped many a cherry since meeting this weirdo.

The door staggered forward with a high-pitched creeeeeeeeeak and I carried my precious load over to the bed and deposited her on top of it with a light plop. She didn't even stir. I turned on the bedside lamp and looked around. It looked like she had been living here for quite some time. No suitcases to be seen, everything was hung up in the closet, she had her makeup and perfumes on the mirrored dresser top which I'm sure if opened, would house all her girly shit and unmentionables. Everything was neat and organized. There was even a shelf filled with books that looked like they had been read and reread and re-reread from the looks of their dog-eared pages. I skimmed the titles, nothing too bizarre or noteworthy. I'd even read a few.

Then my eyes fell on the nightstand which had its own neat stack of books. They looked like volumes to a series but after picking one up, I realized it was a diary. They were all diaries; the kind that had the dates already printed on the pages. The strange thing was, all of them were dated for the same two years! _This year and the last_. Why in the world would she have _ten_ of them? Did she write that much? The first one I picked up had the word, _Tenth-Final_ written in cursive on the first page. The others were also numerically categorized, from _Ninth_ to _First_. These seemed complete, but then I realized the pages were removable and she had reordered them so the first and last date began and ended with June, not January like I assumed all diaries must. So it was really just two halves of two years making one in total. Weirder still, the _last_ date for each one just so happened to be _yesterday's date_...

And wait for it boys and girls...

Instead of each entry beginning, " _Dear Diary_ ," like I assumed most people wrote when they wrote in a fucking diary, each and _every_ page in each and _every_ diary read,

 _"Dear Marko,"_

and to top it off, each and _every_ entry closing was signed,

 _"Love,_

 _Your Sylvia"_

* * *

 **NOTE:**

Thanks again for reading my story and for any feedback, reviews, or comments! It's great reading what you all have to say.


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